Here are a few ways I could change up the conclusion to my seven deadly sins paper.
I first experimented with an evaluation of the importance of my essay’s subject:
As they enter the sanctuary and take a seat in their usual pew, each of the seven youth group members attempt to eliminate any signs of the sinning that occurred earlier on that morning. They don’t want to have a bad reputation and they certainly do not want the older folks to think they are a bunch of crazy, immature teenagers. Gregory Gluttony, Garret Greed, Peter Pride, Lucy Lust, Elena Envy, Seth Sloth, and William Wrath all sit back, relax, and listen to the preacher intently.
Then I thought of a cleaver way of presenting a
suggestion that could end the conflict in my youth group:
suggestion that could end the conflict in my youth group:
Gregory Gluttony, Garret Greed, Peter Pride, Lucy Lust, Elena Envy, Seth Sloth, and William Wrath file into their usual pew and listen to the preacher intently. If only they knew that attending church was not the only responsibility of being a good Christian. They should try their hardest to be better people; people who live by the principles of respect, love, responsibility, hard-work, and kindness. If they each carry on these traits, then perhaps Sunday school would be an enjoyable learning experience as opposed to an informal social hour.
Yes Caroline,
ReplyDeleteI think I like the last conclusion the best. I like your social commentary. I also liked the irony of each of them entering their seats at church with smiles on their faces in your original. You didn't need to say, "How ironic," at the ending as I think it was clear enough without it and maybe even strong without stating it outright.
I might like to see a bit more reflection to start this entry. Perhaps a bit of reflection on your original and what you liked about it but where it was lacking.
On a side-note, you can play with your introduction of that draft too. I almost liked it starting with your second paragraph better. Food for thought :)
Ms. Basko