The first introduction I came up with included a brief reference to the short-story "No Wonder They Call Me a Bitch," which we read during class a few weeks back. I also gave a brief summary of the food comparison assignment we completed that modeled this story. I concluded my introduction saying that I'm not a chocoholic and that I had wished that my group had the opportunity to sample chips instead. This post will feature two new potential introductions that could help enhance my piece.
I thought it would be exciting to include a fact or statistic about that chocolate that would stand out to the reader.
A few medical studies conclude that eating chocolate in moderation can help prolong your life by lowering the chances of getting blood clots and by fighting cholesterol. There's a reason to not to worry about the amount of chocolate you eat. All chocolate seems to be extremely sweet and has the ability to melt in your mouth. However each brand has a different ingredient that helps it stand out. In addition each brands' packaging have similar qualities.
I also thought a reference to a famous movie would capture the readers' attention.
As mentioned in the film Forrest Gump "Life is like a box of chocolates." In many cases it is; life can be sweet and at other times life can be bitter depending on the circumstances. Moods can be compared to different brands of chocolate. Different brands include different ingredients that help their product stand out. They also have many similar characteristics as well.
Unfortunately, I ran out of time to come up with a third.
Caroline, both of your new introductions were very good. I can tell you used the yellow packet and it really improved you introductions. I really like how you used quote by Forrest Gump, thats my favorite way to start a paper. This quote by Forrest Gump is great because this movie is a classic movie and almost everyone can relate to it. Maybe after you say "different brands include different ingedients" and, "they also have many similar characterisitics as well", list them and give me a little examples something to give me an idea what the paper is going to be about. After that then further example what you listed in the introduction and out it into the body paragraph. Overall great job!
ReplyDeleteI think your first introduction is the best. I like the way in this one you give statistics about chocolate that make you want to read on. It is good how you talk about the different ingredients and packaging that ties into our project.
ReplyDeleteI liked your last introduction the best, and I used that quote in mine as well. The quote is familiar and will be relateable to readers, so it will cathc interst and set up well for the rest of your paper. That introduction would be perfect in your paper.
ReplyDeleteI like the introduction with the quote from Forrest Gump because everyone knows the movie. You also explained the quote and how it relates to what you are going to talk about througout your paper.
ReplyDeleteThe Forrest Gump quote is very imaginative and works great! My favorite is the second. it introduces the paper very well and flows nicely. It sets up the essay great.
ReplyDeleteThe second introduction was the best. I think the connection with Forest Gump really sold it. You also did a good job elaborating on the quote. It set up the paper well.
ReplyDeleteHI Caroline,
ReplyDeleteBoth of your introductions are better than your original. I guess your peers really enjoy the second introduction. I thought the first one is very well-written. It is professional sounding and clear in how it flows and transitions from one sentence to the next.
Remember that comma rule I talked about in your post entitled, "Mmmmm Chocolate."
I must say that your reflection introducing the post is exemplary. It is everything that I want to see. It is thoughtful and clearly explains the intent of the posting.
Be sure to underline the movie title in the second one and you might even mention that it is a movie or film. And also check your spelling. There are a few errors in capitilization here worth double-checking.
Again, I really like how you handle the reflection part of the portfolio assignment.
Ms. Basko